I feel like crap

I just had a lovely evening with my adult daughter and now feel like I've completely blown it – both as a mother and a grandma. Sometimes you see yourself in your kids and it isn't the best thing to see. I keep hoping they'll do better than the rotten job I did – but then I see my own lack of patience played out on the next generation and it breaks my heart. Whoever said ther's no such thing as original sin never dealt with their own bad parenting.

Chillin, gots work to do

Ok, so I don’t have to go to court today – water main break at the courthouse – amazing. Justice just stops. Such a scary thought, we rely on the most basic things sometimes. Oh well. Had a good nights sleep. Will be doing paperwork at the desk and setting up visits for the weekend, run a few errands and go to the office. John works a double today, poor guy.
Still no answers regarding that poor little kid in my last entry, but I am calmly believing in the ability of my brain to work it out behind the scenes with a little help from the Holy Spirit (She will provide). Make that a LOT of help, given the condition of my brain….
The cool thing about this online diary is that it is probably so boring, most people wouldn’t look at it twice. Think of all the amazing stuff I could put in here and nobody would ever know.
The silly thing is I worry about money and having a place to live all the time, but really, I’ve always been able to make a living and if the feds take out more, I’ll supplement somehow – thought about doing real estate – who knows, I might not do half badly. Need to let that one brew beneath the surface for a while.
Well, back to work – Chanticleer really is a really talented group of men, fantastic singing group. The human voice is my favorite instrument. Wish mine worked:)

wiped out…..

At court today – my family would say it’s the first real day of work I’ve done this week – I would disagree..At lunch met an attorney who is now with the PD’s office – he used to work at MDLC were Kristin used to work – Ken Wardlaw is his name. Apparently his sister was in a band that eventually broke up and he and Kris used to talk a lot about music. I told him about her new band – he picked the right topic for me, I’m proud of all my kids.
I am so troubled about one case – I really cannot trust the mother to not abuse him when he goes back, and my boss agrees, but it is so hard to say to someone, “I don’t think you should ever get your kid back.” His CASA is a sweet lady, who I found out in our conversation tonight, is a Holocaust survivor – she went into hiding in Holland when she was only 4 years old. It just broke my heart to hear that – my granddaughter Madison turns 4 on Sunday. She was so tearful the other night, missing her mommy and daddy. I could not imagine hiding her with virtual strangers for months, even years. What people have gone through and continue to go through all over the world is enough to break your heart. I remember telling the CASA that for me the big heroes of the world are not the Donald Trumps or Rockefellers, although they have their talents, I suppose. To me the biggest heroes are those who refuse to goose step in accordance with the prevailing thought of the times, but instead, follow Truth, Goodness, in short, those who follow God. It was these people who kept on telling the truth when others were killing Jews. These people hid blacks being chased by those who would lynch them. Those people asked Joe McCarthy if he, at long last, had no shame. Finally it was those people who “had a dream.” Ok, so I’m not all that poetic, but you get my point.

I’m still agonizing over this case, though.

It’s been a LOOONNNGGG WEEEKKKKKK!!!!

I’ve been in court every day and the house is a wreck. Poor John has worked his 1.5 jobs while I have run around going to court and worrying about when that damn tax lawyer will actually do something! On top of that, the student loan folks now know where I work. I be tard….. Need some sleep to get ready to fight for survival tomorrow. Kris is in the middle of her show tonight in Carroll County after a long night and day packing and moving. She’s got to be out of her mind exhausted. guilty guilgy feelings right now………
Must practice violin, must finish knitting, must do job, must do wash, must clean upstairs bathroom, must vacuum, dust……..who am i kidding?
Wonder if anyone has seen those flyladies web sites. Those women must be getting caffeine via IVs! I get tired reading their website. I just would like to clean the bathroom! Maybe if I start with that, life will get easier from there – would that it happened that way!
Nighty Night!
J

Sunday

Working at my desk listening to Wayne Dyer on Maryland Public Television. Spent the morning at class, Foundations of Faith at St. John’s Episcopal Church. Wondering why God seems to be leading me in this path. I have no great anger at the Catholic Church – after all a Church IS its people. I just got tired of going to church and realizing I didn’t believe a lot of what was being preached. Oh the basics, yeah, but the constant conservative political messages and the idea that someone who makes certain kinds of mistakes in their lives never get to receive Communion again kind of bothered me. I kept asking God to send me where She wanted me to go – I thought I was asking about which job, not which Church! No one ever said God doesn’t have a sense of humor. Oh well.

We’ll be celebrating our son-in-law – Donald’s – birthday today – even though it already happened on Tuesday (we were too broke to celebrate it then, as were he and Dori). I hope he feels welcomed into our crazy family – who said we put the “fun” in dysfunctional? – He’s a good guy – so many people look for the externals – money, education, things, but Dori has found a gem – a good person. When you have that, the other things will get there in their own time, if that’s what’s meant to be. Madison will be coming over – and we’ll be so happy to see her. Kristin and Aaron are out of town today, Kristin with a show and Aaron I’m not sure – They move tomorrow to their new place, but Kristin was smart and hired movers. With her level of energy, they will probably be looking good within the week.

Well, gotta go and get ready for tonight’s fun and frolic! We’re doing a mini turkey dinner (breast only) and it’s time to put the stuffing ingredients on. Thank goodness, it’s kind of a light week for me, so I don’t have to do any visits today. Maybe (HA!) I’ll catch up tonight.
Bye