June 8, 2011.
That’s the date I’ve been given. The insurance company has approved the surgery and the surgeon’s office has called to schedule. It was the first date I could get. I don’t want to think about it too much and chicken out. I have given this about eight years of thought and I’m ready. Well, as much as anyone can be about being ready for what probably will be a life-changing event.
I have asked friends, neighbors, family members and people I know to be in the medical profession what they thought. I have searched my very soul. It came down to this: the people who have gone through this and the medical professionals from whom I’ve heard all endorse it. Dear friends have encouraged me to think about it and other dear friends have warned against it. To all of them I say, “Thank you – I know what you’ve said to me has been out of love and caring and I love you for it, but I’m going to do this. I’ve tried it on my own and it hasn’t worked. There may be medical reasons for that; there certainly are emotional reasons for it, but it hasn’t worked. I want to live a little bit longer than I would have without this assistance. I want to be able to move a little more quickly, be around for my current and hopefully future grandchildren, and to torment my poor long-suffering husband that much longer (sorry John:)). I am not looking to be gorgeous – that ship sailed about thirty years ago – I’m looking for a healthier life.”
Every one of my dear friends has been supportive when I have told them. My church family is praying for me already. Right now, I can’t help but feel enormous gratitude. And of course trepidation. This may sound silly and overly dramatic, but there will be so many changes. Of course no one wants to feel physical pain, but that can be managed – I’ve had surgery before. My chances – especially with this particular medical practice and the status of my health otherwise – are excellent. But there will be changes and how will I deal with them?
I have spoken with a number of friends and colleagues and one family member who have had this procedure, or a similar one, done. That has helped terrifically, but a lot hasn’t really sunken in. The details – the devil is always in the details, isn’t it? Spoke with a colleague yesterday who had it done about three years ago. He told me to puree my food and freeze it into ice cubes. The thought is making me nauseous. Perhaps it won’t a month out. And I am grateful for the advice and for his kind offer to call him if I need to just talk – and he himself is going in for some serious (unrelated) surgery and will be out for three months!
There are those close to me who think I shouldn’t really talk or write about it: “Keep it private,” they say, “you don’t need to record your every thought. We love ya, but ferchrissakes, get a grip. It’s not all about you,” they say. And boy do they have a point there!:) But I keep thinking there might be someone who could possibly benefit by my discussing this (somewhat) publicly. And journaling thoughts and emotions, so long as it doesn’t violate the privacy of others or hurt others, has been a good safety valve for others – why not me? I have an addiction and this is one very serious way of forcing a change in behavior and that’s putting it mildly. That doesn’t even begin to address the insanity of a world where human beings – usually children – die of starvation every day in one part of the world where in another, people and insurance company pay the equivalent of a half year’s pay for weight loss surgery and other remedies.
The “it” I am talking about here is gastric bypass – or more accurately described (by the insurance company) as “Laparoscopy, surgical, gastric restrictive procedure with gastric bypass and Roux-en-Y.”
Right now, I’m in the midst of a rather long to-do list. Get a doctors appointment for pre-op testing (had to laugh at the pregnancy test – REALLY people?); Go to the surgeon’s nurse for a pre-op appointment; pay money up front (ouch); go see surgeon on Friday; arrange for coverage for those few court dates I have in the three weeks following; schedule additional visits with clients to catch up; missing the last choir/bell services; tell family and others; look for a therapist.
Frog my knitting. (See below)
I promise not to be too gross – or at least to warn you if I’m about to be. And no pictures – unless knitting or somebody really cute or funny is involved:) The drawing at right doesn’t count.
The Knitting Front
You KNEW I’d get around to the knitting eventually, didn’t you?
I have indeed been frogging pretty much all of my unfinished sweater projects – surprisingly few for me. I do have one that is practically finished (Elizabeth Zimmermann’s Green Sweater as re-created by Sunday Holm), so I’m going to go ahead and finish it and if need be, give it away or use it as a transitional sweater in the fall. Even the Cassidy, which has been flying off the needles, is going to the frog pond. No point in doing all that knitting if I’m not going to fit in the thing in four months when sweater weather starts again. My daughter, S, says I should simply go back to knitting just for her:) Not a bad idea – her AND others:). The good news is, if and when I do have a smaller presence in the world, I will be able to knit a sweater for myself in FAR less time – and for less yarn. So… cheaper and quicker and with fewer pattern modifications – how bad can that be?
I did, however, finish the Sandrine I started almost two years ago. It fits and it’s a bit adjustable, so I’m not complaining. Plus I love the color. It goes with a number of items in my closet and it’s in KnitPicks CotLin – a great combo for summer. I plan on getting a lot of use out of this sweater before I adjust the buttons:)
Also finally FINALLY finished the Lenten Mystery Scarf! The recipient loved it, although I think I gave it to her on one of the hottest days of spring so far. Hopefully she’ll get good use out of it in the Fall. I explained what each square meant. The colors really do suit her well and the scarf is nice and long and warm. If nothing else, it will keep her warm this coming winter. Many thanks again to Rebecca Osborn for such a beautiful and thoughtful pattern! It was a great accompaniment to my own Lenten journey this year.
I’ve also made some decent headway on the Guernsey Wrap. Am now officially past the midway point and ready to begin the second half. Interestingly enough, I’ve started the second skein of Cascade Ecology Wool – a very proptitious sign!:) This picture is of the scarf, but a bit scrunched up. I tried doing a little knitting out on the deck yesterday evening after work, but with the wind it was too cold – unusual for this point in May. Somehow I think that will change really soon. But this wrap is moving along. Hope to be blocking it within the next couple of weeks. We shall see!
Lastly, I have had about 800-900 yards of beautiful dark green, blue, and purple sock yarn that has been wanting to be a shawl or scarf of some kind and I decided to do the Percy Shawl designed by Sanne Kalkman. It’s a pretty pattern – and free on ravelry! Free is good. Free is very good. And the yarn isn’t so variegated that we lose the beautiful lace pattern in it. It’s nice having a diversion now and then. I felt it was OK, since I had finished two UFOs. OK, so I have another 25 to go… so what, LOL:)
Miscellaneous fun and frolic
Well, let’s see, what’s been happening since last I posted, dear 2.5 readers? Pretty much the same old same old. Been doing more visits to catch up on my backlog and going to court. But then, that’s what a lawyer does now and then.
Spring has come out in so many ways. We have had a LOT of rain here in Merlin and the result has been magical. This was taken as I was leaving a visit with a client – this is NOT the place where the client was – just at some point on the drive. Merlin is truly beautiful at this time of year.
Our son, D, is coming home for a two-week visit between his play’s move from Kansas City, MO to LaJolla CA. We can’t wait to have him home and hear about his adventures in the (wild?) Midwest before he sets out to the actors’ Mecca of California.
As I sit here typing this, the jockey for Shackleford is sending out a loving message to his mother in Spanish. The Preakness, one jewel in the Triple Crown of horseracing, has just finished and Shackleford is in first place, Animal Kingdom in second and Astrology in third. John and I were rooting for Animal Kingdom, hoping for at least 2/3s of a Triple Crown for him. Oh well. That’s the extent of my interest in horseraces.
Theology…And elsewhere in the news….It’s after 6 p.m., do you know where your Rapture is?
Why oh why do people get caught up in this utter crap? Do they really really think that God gives secret hidden knowledge to people? And let’s assume for argument’s sake that She does: who are any of us to take joy in the devastation of condemnation and suffering and torment of anyone? There was a very ugly undertone to all of this hoopla – this legalistic view of God and judgment to which even those who follow the Old Testament alone do not always adhere. We who follow the “pocket parts” (NT) in addition to the old have to figure that part in as well. Where was the mercy and love of God in any of this “Judgment Day” malarky? Of course, there is also the argument that “no one knows the time,” except God the Father. It is crap like this that makes Xianity look stupid. And stupid it is not.
Well, that’s all I have for today. God be with you ’til we meet again – wherever and however that may be!:)