Cool clear Autumn Day in Memoriam


My favorite:) and I’m getting my hair cut today. I am so nervous. When one is old and decrepit, one generally shoots for a professional look at work. Forget glam, cool, young, hip or even stylish. Just neat is good enough for me. And trust me, I’m not looking neat today! In fact, I look pretty decrepit – but the house is reasonably clean, so that’s a good tradeoff, LOL! After three days in brief hell the least I could do was vacuum and pick up a little. So between (or is it among??) folding a load of wash, vacuuming downstairs and making some (really good – thanks to Michael and probably later Darlene) changes to the brief, it’s a relatively quiet Saturday. Of course, I won’t really relax until the brief is filed. But the worst of it is over, thank goodness. And shortly thereafter I’ve got another one to have fun with:).
I love the colors of autumn. But I cannot wear them well (at least not without looking like I belong on a slab at the morgue), but I can sneak them in with the dark reds and blues, can’t I? And knit them into socks, heh, heh, heh…… and that’s the other thing I’ve been doing this morning – found a nice pattern out of that Vogue Knitting book on socks and I’ve been going at it with three double points. A simple pattern that is just so much fun for a no-pressure Saturday.
Tomorrow is a different story – singing in the choir for the late service, then we’re headed over to the Cathedral to practice with two other church choirs – the Cathedral and St. Bartholomew’s both of Baltimore – to get ready for this Friday’s Evensong service at the Cathedral. They are very kindly serving us lunch before we practice (hope they let us brush our teeth before we breathe on the poor conductor, LOL!) The pieces are beautiful and haunting. They ought to be. The service is a memoriam to children who have died as a result of abuse.

Shit.

I’m sorry for the “language.” This is a painful reminder of a little guy and his baby brother who died at the hands of their mother (at least they could prove the older one died at her hands). They were our clients. And there will never be a day that I don’t wonder what we could have done differently. I can’t say more about it or one could figure out who they were. Let’s just say the mere mention of them makes me freeze up inside to the point of physical pain in the gut. I know in a way they were spared the evils of this world, but that is very very poor comfort. In fact, none at all.

So, I’m going about my business today. I’m getting my hair cut, I’m knitting, I’m enjoying my family. But their father doesn’t get to enjoy his. And that will always be a dent in my soul. I cannot imagine what it is to his.
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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Linda says:

    I’m so sorry, that is really tragic. You have a very difficult job.

  2. FugueStateKnits says:

    Linda,thank you. Actually my job is for the most part very rewarding. I get to meet some really lovely people. And if I’m very very lucky, I get to make a difference in a life or two. The tragic cases are the ones where you have two basic choices(I’m sure there are more, but I can think of only two): Either become more paranoid and assume every parent is guilty (and then my client misses out on being raised by his/her own otherwise good parents) or realize that we can either learn something from this or that life just has curve balls that we cannot anticipate. The latter is a tougher choice, but I think it makes more sense. It just doesn’t make the feelings go away, though.
    Thanks for your comment,
    Joan a/k/a FSK

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