The one on the right is my baby

Well, my second baby:) And she’s sick right now. Any and all prayers are welcome. She has a bleeding ulcer – finally we know what it is. Poor kid. The one on the left is her baby:) R And this person on the far right R’s big sister, M . The names have been abbreviated to protect the innocent. They are missing their mommy because she’s in the hospital, but now that we all know what’s wrong, and it can be treated, things are a little less stressful.
Of course I’m knitting – and I also gave her the gift of “The Happy Hooker” with an inscription saying , “Now you know my awful secret, Mom.” What can I tell you, I’m a sick woman….
Once I knew D was OK, I went to a client visit – they weren’t there – and home for a spell then EFM class – our last for the year. It was nice and bittersweet. Su (our mentor) is moving and won’t be back next year. Brynn and Rick graduated and Jim is taking a year off. Ellen may or may not come back. I will do everything I can to get back for year 2 and we met our new mentor for next year, Tom. It will be a completely different group next year and, Heavens to Murgatroyd, I might be the most advanced student if Ellen doesn’t return (Yikes….the preshah..)
Tomorrow is court, so I will try to visit my clients at 8 AM if need be. Then after court, good Lord willing – I’ll make it to choir praxis, the high point of my week (OK so I’m weird, so shoot me).
Knitting, sure I am 🙂 I’ll have some pics. Finally decided just to make a scarf with the recycled silk skeins and it came out halfway decent. I also am binding off what was a fair isle sweater, but now would no longer fit me (more like King Kong, LOL) and I’m going to make it into a bag:) It may actually look quite good!
The baby sweater and a sweater I began for my son years ago are next. Then the T-shirt from hot knits (I’m on the sleeves), then something new and exciting just to shake things up a little. I WILL make headway on the FLAK by this summer if it KILLS ME!!!! I mean it…really….
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To Do List for Today

1)Call San Mar re: visits (if 5 PM – must leave by 4) 10:45-11
2)Take shower:) (or don’t do visits, LOL) 11-11:30
3)Prep for hearings tomorrow 11:30-12
4)EXPENSE report !!! 12-12:30
5)Prep for EFM Class- don’t forget decaf coffee:) 12:30-2
6)Call Thx: Amber L 2
7)Call Psychiatrist: Amber L 2:10
8)Arrange visit with Amber L 2:20
9)Go to office with pw from last week 2:30
10)Visit clients in Boonesboro 5
11) EFM class 7
12) Motions: (a)Rescission – Sarah B 10-12
(b)Revoke no-contact w/M – Brittany A
(e)Modify visitation – George B
(c)Respond to DSS Motions
(d)Respond to Tom’s Motions re: Amber L
13Wash 10-12
14)Look at tomorrow’s choir music 12:30
15)Knit (HAH!) 1 AM
16)Bed 2 AM
Ahhhh Wednesdays, they are my raison d’etre!

Happy Mother’s Day

To ALL you mothers out there – and to all of you who were mothers to the motherless!

Every Mothers Day, I get to thinking about my own mother and how much – now almost 44 years later – I miss her. She died at a young age. My 4 brothers and I were left with our Dad to do the best he could. And I think he did pretty darn well. I also think about my step mothers, especially Maureen, who has been with our Dad through good times and bad. I think about my grandmother, and my mother-in-law, and my friends’ mothers, who modeled for me things that weren’t happening in my own home at the time. I am grateful for all of them – and for the friends and other women in my life who have given me what my own mother, through no fault of her own, could not.
Let me tell you about the legacy my mother gave me. She had a good heart and a terrific sense of humor. She had an amazing singing voice and a love of music that has stayed with me to this day. Her sense of humor, like mine, could get her in trouble at times – as mine has:) She knew how to party and have fun. And she HATED housework! For that I will always love her:)
I can now write about my mother without crying. It used to be I could not even talk about her without opening up a bottomless well of tears, but now I remember her with joy and I am so grateful that, despite all my faults, I’ve still retained some of her good qualities. I look forward to meeting her again in Heaven and comparing notes and above all, thanking her for her love.
My father’s mother – we called her Grandma – was a cellist before she got married, had children and got rheumatoid arthritis in her hands. She was a feminist but didn’t know it:) She, too, had a great sense of humor. I learned from the way she interacted with our parents, that one could be friends with one’s parents upon reaching adulthood.
I am now a grandma. When I got back from church this morning, there was a message on the answering machine from Madison – my six-year-old granddaughter – saying “Happy Mother’s Day, Mom-Mom” She also calls me grandma. What a gift.
There’s one other person I think about on mother’s day – my Dad. I think about the night our mother died. How we later learned he spent half the night (after identifying her body at the morgue) reading Dr. Spock’s Infant and Child Care to try to figure out how he could tell five little children that their Mommy was dead. He made mistakes, as do we all, but he was motivated by love and that covers a multitude of things. I will always be grateful to God that we were left with a good man for a father. So on Mother’s Day, I think of him always:)
My greatest prayer is that my clients, big and small, will have someone they can call Mom.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of you – especially the ones who want to be mothers and can’t be. Believe me, there’s someone out there who needs you!

Sheep and Wool Festival, sounds so disturbing….

Well, I finally went to my first Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival. Saw the folks from two of my favorite LYS’s. Saw the line virtually around the block at Tess’ yarns (that green silk yarn was a thing of beauty, but I didn’t get that – I got some other good stuff, though:)

I missed seeing a lot of the Balto Meetup, FLAKsters (sorry Terri) and others, but did bump into a colleague who was also getting the necessary gift for the hubby (I got John a teal baseball cap – he collects ’em and who knows? Maybe he’ll let me borrow his, LOL.)
I got there late because we had an appointment this AM with our landlord’s new agent, a nice lady named Kirsten. Our previous agent, another nice lady named Cheryl, is leaving with her husband and kids to go to Australia for a couple of years! I know we will miss her, but this is a great opportunity for her. Anyway, by the time they left, John and I spent some time watching the tube and I checked my e-mail and generally farted around. He’s still not doing well with his poor legs. I hope to God they figure out what’s wrong because it’s starting to get scary!
Once I figured he’d be doing just fine without me, I went off to the festival. I’m lucky in that it’s really only about a 20-minute ride for me from Ellicott City to West Friendship where the Howard County Fairgrounds are.

Some of the stands were typical foodie things that I don’t eat any more, but what really got me laughing was the fried twinkie stand. Now, back in the day, that would’ve been at least somewhat intriguing, but today it only inspired nausea, LOL:) Now, if they’d had turkey and stuffing, I have to confess, I still eat the stuffing twice a year, but fried TWINKIES???

I picked up a bag with the festival logo (yes, I paid for it, smarta$$), the aforementioned baseball cap and a bunch of balls of yarn on sale for $1 apiece (rough and scratchy wool, with the exception of two pink balls of cotton, but might either be ok after washing or could be used for a felted bag – I liked the colors, very autumnal, not the usual for me (a “winter”) – but interesting. And I’m finding that sometimes you need to have warm colors to offset the cooler ones. Also got a bunch of “scrunchies” at a quilt stand:) Here’s the big part of the haul. The other yarns I bought a few weeks ago at my favorite LYS (All About Yarn, Columbia, MD – off Rte 108!). Don’t you think this will go very well with the little bits from the festival? Will make a nice Fair Isle project, right?
There was a stand from the Navajo Nation – beautiful yarn, woven rugs, and turquoise with silver jewelry – got a pair of earrings for an amazing price (I do feel a little guilty for that, but the artist himself sold them to me:))

One of my happiest purchases was a couple of skeins of sari silk yarn – one a “fair trade” item spun from recycled saris. Now if only I could find some yarn made from recycled burkas, THAT would make my day! The picture above doesn’t even do the colors justice. The yarn is so sleek and heavy! I have never knit with silk before and cannot wait to get started, on what, I don’t know. What can you knit with about 8 ounces of silk yarn? A scarf? Combine it with another yarn in striping for a sweater? If anyone reads this and has any ideas, please let me know. I think this has been the start of a new tradition for me. Every time I go to this festival, I will get, if I can afford it (HAH) two skeins of a yarn I would never normally buy. Life’s too short, right? That’s my story and I’m sticking to it:) Would love to hear of everyone’s experiences – I can say I felt like I had died and gone to Heaven, although singing in a choir still exceeds knitting (I know, I know, heresy for some of you out there!)

Oy the guilt!

I was very bad today. Well, not as bad as I would like to be, but pretty bad. My co-worker covered the one case I had this afternoon (I’ll do hers tomorrow morning) and I went home on this beeeyoooteeefull day:) And what am I doing? typing on this thing. what a weirdo:) Well, at least I have my trusty knitting nearby and a lovely view out of an open window.

But I still feel guilty because poor John, who has been suffering with rotten leg disease (we don’t know what’s wrong – he cannot stand for any real period of time without being in bad pain, so he’s off work), is cleaning the bathrooms. Shhhhh. If this secret got out, I’d have women from miles around pounding on my door – asking for him!

OY.

Tonight is choir practice. My idea of heaven. What can I say? I’m a weirdo and who knows why John puts up with me, but bless his heart, he does.

I’ve got so many things to do for work but for right now, I’m going to sit and knit and ponder what to do to be more productive (obviously the wash comes under one of those headings – and maybe getting some of my paperwork done!

On a lighter note, can you imagine sitting in a courtroom, waiting for your cases to be heard, and reading this? It occurred to me somewhat after the fact, that I might tend to give people the wrong impression – story of my life:) It’s actually not a bad little book. I can crochet, but mostly it’s been limited to doilies, afghans and filet work. It would be nice to try a pullover or bib for the baby or something — you know, in my other spare time:)

I think what I’m really doing is trying not to think about that client of ours who died at the hands of his mother, the mother whose sentencing was today. I was listening to Dar Williams song – the title of which I don’t recall – but the words are about a little child lying in a grave (I don’t know if it was dedicated to Matt Shephard or not, but it wouldn’t surprise me). I thought about it being addressed to God: “Let Your Love cover me. Like a pair of angel’s wings. You are my family. You are my family.” couldn’t stop crying – had to take an extra 15 minutes to get home so my own family wouldn’t see the mascara doing a Tammy Faye down my face.
Was talking with colleagues at lunch – wondering what I/we could have done differently. Strangely, I take solace when one says, “probably nothing.” But I am still very very pissed off. VERY pissed off. At the neighbors who said nothing. At the mother’s father who molested her from the time she was a little girl, at the man who beat him probably. Mostly at the source of evil in our universe. I thought of the many angels who came to my rescue as a child, an adolescent, a young adult, an old fart, and want to scream at God asking Her WHY? Not, why did this happen – I’m not so naive as to think that free will doesn’t mean what it means, but why was I so blessed? Did I fail at the quest I must be on in this life? Is there time to make things better in this world? Obviously not for little R. But for others.

So maybe I have been bad. I have failed. Failed to see what was hidden. Failed to see a clue, failed to pay attention to something. What? I don’t know. But he was close to his Daddy. He didn’t want to leave home. He was hyper, always getting bumps and bruises. But I didn’t hear the screaming during the day when Daddy wasn’t home. I didn’t see the throat that didn’t get treated. Others did and I’m mad they didn’t tell about it. Because if they had I would have fought this head on. But they didn’t….. and I didn’t. Two lights went out R. and his brother. and the world is a little darker now.

Maybe that’s why Heaven looks just a little bit lighter and better and more worth trying to attain, with God’s help only.

And maybe that’s why I knit on bright sunny afternoons and read books about happy hookers. Maybe that’s why I refuse to let the dark side win.

Maybe that’s why being one piece of the larger tapestry of a musical piece giving glory to God brings me solace and communion. I’m singing with R and his baby brother and all the others here today and gone yesterday. The Communion of the Saints they call it and some are definitely more saintly than others:)