Thought i was doing ok and then i saw this

at the end of Nancy’s e-mail regarding Chris D’s funeral service:

“We all know that Chris has filled that vacant spot in the bass section of the angelic choir.”

Ok, it’s been a crazy week. i’m a little nuts, no question about it, but i cannot stop the waterworks. It occurs to me this choir experience has been one of communion and community. How do i even begin to share what that means to me? Now it’s like a member of the family has died. (I hate to say passed, don’t know why…)
Auf Wiedersehen, Au Revoir, Do Svidanya, Arrivederci, Adios, Until we meet again, my friend and brother in Christ,

Probably too depressed to take this test, LOL:)

A MAN?! i need a MAN?! Right! Already have one, thanks….

Your Aura is Purple

Your Personality: You're a dreamer and visionary. You believe you were put on this earth to do something great.

You in Love: You're very passionate but often too busy for love. You need a man who sees your vision and adopts it as his own.

Your Career: You need a job that helps you make a difference. You have a bright future as a guru, politician, teacher, or musician.


What Color Is Your Aura? Take This Quiz 🙂

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

miniupdate

Not much to report – work is plugging along. I am having trouble sleeping lately and seem to wake up a gazillion times a night – need to get that anti-apnea thingie working again, Yuck…
Am feeling kinda down – a friend from choir – the one who was in the accident in March – died last night. It's a long story and I am too tired and sad to reflect on it here.
Guess we'll be doing some sort of memorial service for him here in EC. Meantime his family is dealing with funeral arrangements. Bummer.

Decisions Decisions

Things are easing up just a wee little bit at work. Nice, but you’d hardly know it the ways things have been. Kelly is back on the job on Mondays and I appreciate that. I still have to worry about the balance of the cases, but I can live with that. It just seems that the clients have so many needs lately – again, I can live with that, too, just very very time-consuming. But that’s why they pay me the big bucks, LOL:)

Have been considering going back to school for the psychology, but wonder what my motivation is – something new to try to avoid the hard questions my job poses on a regular basis? I better really really think this thing through before putting our finances into yet another tailspin – assuming that will be the case. On another level, I may not get into grad school anyway. However, assuming I could get into the PhD program, it would truly be awesome to study psych – although my nearest and dearest would probably say I needed the therapy more than any potential patients would:)And really, as long as my kids are still in college, I don’t feel I have the right to financially burden the family with tuition or more student loans when my kids are working their respective ways through college.

On a different but related topic, I need to make a decision NOW about whether to take the EFM course. It’s a course for laypersons to learn theology. It costs $340.00 at a time when we are barely making our bills. I asked God to help me with an answer while I sleep tonight, because I cannot take that pressure any more. Objectively, it doesn’t seem right, but you just never know about these things. If I don’t have any major flashes of insight, I’m calling Su and letting her know I’m out for this year at least. Better that than get involved and then having the electricity turned off or worse! Still have to go tomorrow night because I volunteered to bring the food.

Right now I am having that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that has been plaguing me a lot lately. I don’t know if it’s related to work, family or just my own neuroses. I find myself wondering if the kids, the grandkids, friends and family are OK. Then I just want to run – go out, drive, anything but sit here! Flight or fight – from/against WHAT?

Maybe that’s why I like that fugue thingie…..

My Jesus Murphy!

+

Holly woooodddddd

Today I participated in a video for the CINA training at the Rocky Gap resort scheduled for mid-October this year. We had a basic outline of what we were supposed to do (a permenancy planning hearing after some stops/continuances, etc.). Donna C. from the Baltimore office of my firm, and I (from the Baltimore county office) played children’s counsel. Judge M. from Mont. County played (surprise surprise) the judge and various people from Baltimore City office of law, the Office of the public defender, and social workers and CASAs played their respective roles. One attorney from LAB, Joan L., played the grandmother who kept getting up and talking to the judge out of turn. We were supposed to make this the presentation where things were done “right”. O Lord! We worked hard, and had a good time, too. It was nice meeting with people from other parts of the state and pretending to do what we do every week. It was strange because I really got into it. Somehow I don’t think Hollywood is ready for me, though – the giggling gave me away. Donna C., however, has all sorts of experience in production and direction. She produced that series on a bunch of couples having a baby in the early 80s when she worked for MPT. I loved that series- and of course was very impressed! So now I call her “Hollywood.”
News at 11……..

In Memoriam: Francis E. Rourke September 11, 1922 – June 18, 2005

Services were held today at Johns Hopkins (Interfaith Center) for the father of a friend of mine from law school – Francis Rourke was a professor of political science and apparently had quite a dry wit. It was good to see Steve and Cindy and Shana and Gabe, their kids. I felt so bad for Mrs. (Lillian) Rourke, although she did very well speaking at the service – as did Steve, his sister Kathy (hope I spelled that correctly), and his cousin Christopher B. Steve’s other sister, Ann was there, too. Apparently Dr. Rourke died 6/18/05, but the memorial service was held today – his birthday. Ironic it was 9/11. Dr. Francis “Frank” Rourke advocated very strongly for desegregation in the sixties and maintained his liberal ideals until his death. Right on! I let Steve know that the conversations we all had in law school were the starting point for my long journey of questioning my own politics and beliefs – a journey that continues to this day. Steve is definitely his father’s son and I know Dr. Rourke is proud of him. May this legacy live on!

On my way to the service the Peace Path on Charles Street was in full swing. All along the way from the Inner Harbor to the Johns Hopkins Interfaith Center in the Baptist Church on Charles and University were people from various churches, groups, denominations and the ubiquitous “Women in Black” with signs urging the end of the war in Iraq. I think Dr. Rourke would have been pleased the “Peace Path” led to and surrounded his memorial service. There was no music at the service, but the occasional honking car horn in support of the protesters provided an apt accompaniment. His wife, Lillian, however, told me he would have hated all the attention.

The service itself was very moving. I was there for the most part just to support Steve and Cindy, but I found myself sorry I had never really known Dr. Rourke. He sounded/sounds like the kind of person it would have been an honor to know. I think Steve is a lot like him – he has that dry sense of humor, kindness, self-deprecating, and writes beautifully. By the way, Cindy is like that too, so she and Steve really are a match made in Heaven:) On a lighter note, Father Bozzelli, who used to be a priest at St. Louis in Clarksville, presided over much of the service. Apparently, he was a student at Hopkins. He was also an attorney before entering seminary – and not a bad one at that. I told him I would be very interested to learn how he made that transition. He laughed and said he’d have to write a book.

Here are some pictures of Steve and Cindy and family:

Cindy and Gabriel on the left.

And below are Gabriel, Cindy, Steve and Shana.

I cannot get over how much the kids have grown up:)!

I feel so bad – I kept telling them to “smile” and this poor fellow’s father had died. They are such a beautiful family. Steve was busy talking with his father’s friends and relatives, so Cindy and I caught up. She and Judith T., another immigration lawyer, have so much in common. They are both so kind and very very good attorneys – and of course look out for the interests of the underdog – my kind of people:)Shana is now working as a linguist for a government agency. She even knows Hindi! Gabriel is attending Drexel. They must be so proud of their kids.

I was so grateful and so touched and honored that the Rourke/Rosenberg clan allowed me to share in such an intensely personal time in their lives and grateful to God for such wonderful friends in my life!

To finish up – there was a beautiful poem on the back of the prayer card that I would like to share here – by William Butler Yeats. I will most likely lose that card and I don’t want to lose the poem. Selfish perhaps, but true.

WHEN YOU ARE OLD

When you are old and gray and full of sleep, And nodding by the fire, take down this book, And slowly read, and dream of the soft look Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep; How many loved your moments of glad grace, And loved your beauty with love false or true

But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you, And loved the sorrows of your changing face; And bending down beside the glowing bars, Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled And paced upon the mountains overhead And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

Forgive, but don’t forget

Will any of us with a normal psyche and belief in a good God ever forget this image? I think it is forever seared into my brain. As a native New Yorker for a while now I have processed these images with a personal sense of grief that “home” will never be the same. Unfortunately, that has really been true for a long long time now. 9/11 just brought it all back.
In church today, our Rector made some parallels between the devastation wrought by Katrina and that of 9/11 – and the marked differences. Then, we had a common “enemy” who had done this to us. The people affected by 9/11 were part of a vocal workforce, perhaps from different parts of the middle and upper middle class, but able to get compensation – monetary and treatment – for their losses. Now, the victims of Katrina – on the other hand – are a witness to our country’s treatment of our poor. We have seen the enemy and s/he is us……
I love my country. It’s my home. But like the people we love, sometimes it disappoints.
On the other hand, there are so many stories of people helping others through both of these tragedies, that you cannot help but think that there’s a greater spirit afoot.
I pray so.